Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
