If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
