She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
