If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
