Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
