bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
