I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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