so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Randomize
