So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
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