Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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