it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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