So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
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