Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I just gargled with NyQuil
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