And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
