What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
