1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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