genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
