Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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