Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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