Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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