Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Randomize
