god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I still have a little drunk in my system
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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