is your mom at the bar?
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
