If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
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