I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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