Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
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