This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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