Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Randomize
