Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
