You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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