Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
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I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
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I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.