Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
