Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
