I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
