My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
