Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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