people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
