im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
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She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
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I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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