Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I have already put on my inside pants.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
