I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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