those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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