wrigley field is MILF paradise
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
