Got a toothbrush?
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
