Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
barbara walters just said penis...
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
We have so much sex to catch up on
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
