Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
