dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
last night I used snow as a chaser
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
