White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
