"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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