Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
