Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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