threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
