I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
