sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
