He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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