Texts From Last Night

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  (708): View more from Illinois

  Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me

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  (708): Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me http://tfl.nu/afk5
  Replies (2) Good night (1136) Bad night (739)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.

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  (540): the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years. http://tfl.nu/vthp
  Replies (47) Good night (775) Bad night (8093)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.

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  (616): I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon. http://tfl.nu/lqe8
  Replies (29) Good night (1280) Bad night (4116)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.

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  (832): I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone. http://tfl.nu/f9qv
  Replies (24) Good night (5590) Bad night (1245)
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  (718): View more from New York

  bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch

  (917): View more from New York City

  I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation

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  (718): bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch (917): I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation http://tfl.nu/gosl
  Replies (41) Good night (38595) Bad night (1893)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.

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  (817): he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes. http://tfl.nu/jo0i
  Replies (7) Good night (1195) Bad night (3371)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us

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  (303): we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us http://tfl.nu/pmf4
  Replies (8) Good night (3901) Bad night (715)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.

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  (720): Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it. http://tfl.nu/6vuz
  Replies (6) Good night (3374) Bad night (716)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.

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  (801): My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird. http://tfl.nu/uvgo
  Replies (7) Good night (1355) Bad night (646)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.

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  (785): Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks. http://tfl.nu/e26o
  Replies (8) Good night (613) Bad night (1242)
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.

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  (309): His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame. http://tfl.nu/bv47
  Replies (7) Good night (787) Bad night (531)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.

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  (716): I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed. http://tfl.nu/sc0t
  Replies (6) Good night (1077) Bad night (413)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower

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  (508): I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower http://tfl.nu/2amr
  Replies (1) Good night (620) Bad night (296)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  I'm abstinent now

  (206): View more from Washington

  Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?

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  (425): I'm abstinent now (206): Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious? http://tfl.nu/6n2f
  Replies (0) Good night (399) Bad night (226)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole

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  (720): Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole http://tfl.nu/tv2j
  Replies (1) Good night (407) Bad night (129)

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