I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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