I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Randomize
