I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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