he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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