she looked like the bat from fern gully.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
