my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
