Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
