Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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