I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Sponge bath it is.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
