So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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