quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
