FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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