Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
