perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Found the puke drawer
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
